khajiduh:

if i were famous, i’d go to a red carpet event in a fashionable tan leather dress, and when they asked me who i was wearing, i’d say ‘i don’t know her name, but she had a beautiful complexion, didn’t she?’

thecompanionsdoctor:

My week is basically:

  • Monday
  • Monday #2
  • Monday #3
  • Monday #4
  • Friday
  • Saturday
  • Pre-Monday
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-yo
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
Me: *Sneezes*

urinatings:

the best feeling is when you’re drinking something cold and you can feel it flow through your intestines 

(Source: meghn)